Wedding Season Blues!

I was to attend a wedding on Saturday- yesterday. Unfortunately, something came up last minute and I had to cancel my attendance quite last minute! I was really quite upset with it, as it would have been a great occassion to catch up with my old university girlfriends. Also, I hate last minute cancellations- I felt rude even though it was beyond my control. However, looking at it today- and recalling how horribly hot and humid it was yesterday- I honestly don't know what I would have worn! It was a horrible 32 degrees celcius yesterday with a humidity of 95%!!! It was an outdoor wedding set along a quiet private lakefront property. I'm sure it was quite beautiful, aside from the mosquitos and blackflies. Although, being crammed into a stuffy old church (which most churches in this area are) wouldn't be all that much better! An awful thing to say? I am sure it's easy to judge when you're not 100 pounds overweight! One of the awful realities of being obese.

I really do dread wedding season. I have 2 more weddings this year. The next one is in August, and it is an old and dear friend of mine from high school and university. I am really looking forward to her wedding. He's supposed to be quite a nice guy (and English gent), whom she met while working in England. I'm really very happy for her. She's a wonderful person and friend, and I am quite excited to see her as it's been some time since we've been in touch with all the relocating we've done. When she contacted me to let me know she was moving back from England to the city I was living in, I was unfortunately moving back home.

What I hate to say, however, is that while I am thrilled for the wedding and getting to see her and meet her fiance, I am horrified at seeing her at the size I am. It's actually all that I can think about. It's really quite embaressing and degrading how one can feel about themselves. And what is worse is that I've known the wedding has been coming for quite some time, but I've done nothing to lose any weight. What's that about? It happens all the time to me. It's almost like I do everything to sabotage myself from losing any weight! Am I alone in this? I think it's all mental.

Anyway, I have nothing to wear. Plus size clothing is IMPOSSIBLE to find in my area!!! We have 2 stores who carry Plus Size Clothing. The first is Penningtons- which unless you are shaped like a giant shapeless box- which is horrible! The second is Reitmans- which is not great either because all their clothes are the same every season and they don't carry anything shaped for plus size people or any dresses for weddings. If skinny bitches only knew what us fat chicks had to endure when it came to shopping. I would love a Macy's or Nordstrom or JC Penny (all in the States which is no good for us Nova Scotia chicks). Although I've looked online but most of the nice plus size clothing sites clothes are very expensive and have not so great return policies. Uggggh! Plus size clothing (or lack of it) could be an entire blog for me! So frustrating!

Anyway, I will try to keep in mind that noone will be looking at me anyway, as Linds will be a gorgeous bride! And if anyone has any info on plus size clothing sites PLEASE feel free to let me know! I could use some advice on this!