My Relationship With Food

Yesterday was not such a great day, and today is much worse! It wasn't until I created this blog that I realized just how personal my obesity problem is. While there is no hiding the flesh of its existance, the emotional component behind it is another issue! I am fully prepared to deal with the physical exhaustion it will take to lose 120 pounds; however, I do not know how to prepare for the mental exhaustion.

It's really quite astounding how someone can manipulate their mind when it comes to making a decision that they know is ultimately bad for them. I'm sure it must feel like this for an alcoholic or a drug user. You know that it's wrong! That it will adversely affect family and friends! That you will feel miserable physically and emotionally afterwards! And finally, you know that one day, after abusing it for long enough, it will kill you!

I started abusing food my senior year of high school. I can even recall the first night that I started. Bizarre? I think that's bizarre. I remember it because I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time, and had no self-esteem whatsoever! So one night, when things weren't so great, I went to the store and ate almost an entire bag of tortilla chips with cheese! Disgusting isn't it! Wow! That is the first time I ever admitted that to anyone. I didn't gain a lot of weight at the time, but enough that I wish I hadn't come prom time. What I wish I had realized then was that the weight I needed to lose was the loser I was dating! Anyway, as life continued to deal difficult hands, that became my way of dealing with problems. It was easier to turn to food than to confront my problems. Food didn't judge me, and it was always there when I needed it. Then it became a cycle. The more I weighed, the worse I felt about myself- where I would then turn to food for comfort.

In order for me to lose weight, I will need to develop a new relationship with food. It will be difficult. There will be days where I will fail (i.e. yesterday and today- see food journal). But I am determined to succeed. I will not let food take over my life any longer!